Monday, December 03, 2007 @ 1:30 AM


i had such a hell of emotional ride for the past one week.. i need a break.. i need a holiday.. i need to escape to a place that is far far away from this place because i just feel like i cant hold on to anything anymore.. things that i always cling on so tight so all seems too weak suddenly.. is it me or what?

i was left crying and crying, weeping and weeping, tearing and tearing that i feel that i really need to verse, "those who sow in tears shall doubtlessly reap in joy"..

you told me so many things on friday night.. too much.. too much to digest.. because it really affected a HUGE part of my life.. you told me the answers to my questions and i have to say, it hurts.. though i said "i will", i dont know whether can my words really match up to my actions.. this year, i've went through too much.. too many times people told me,"you told me the same thing since 3 months ago...." i am afraid.. not because i am not willing, but simply because i dont know whether can i really do it.. i need some love.. you told me that you love me.. but how come i still feel so terrible..

i want a stranger that can understand me..

why a stranger? because strangers do not judge.. they simply listen..

but if they are strangers, how can they ever understand me??

another dilemma in the world..

saturday comes, two major bombs exploded on me.. it was too hard to accept to truth.. i cant believe what is happening to my life right now.. when pst preached, i thought that he read my mind or something..

like what i learnt in psychology, how part of our mind works is forgetting..

but it seems my ku ku brain doesnt do such kind of business..

i will need some time.. no.. its not gg to be three four years.. but maybe three four minutes will do..

this post is not for anyone to understand except me.. or maybe even him..